Balls to Football
Yesterday I was too tired to write anything. I got in, ate and then collapsed in front of the telly. Jen's dad was down as he is going to look after Emma when we are working. He wanted to watch the football.
You all know that what I would call football and what he would call football are 2 completelyy different things. We can all work out why it is called football, for the same reasons that Rugby is actually Rugby Football. That isn't what annoys me about the game. The really annoying thing is this, it has 4 quarters each lasting 15mins. So by my reckoning the game should last for 60 minutes (4x15). I am charitable and will allow an extra 5 minutes per quarter to let those big guys rest. So 80 minutes is how long the game should last, which is exactly the same length as a game of rugby. The game started at 7pm yesterday. At 9pm they had half time. Now that is 2 hours in to the game and we are not done, no we ARE AT HALF TIME - there is another 2 hours to go. The reason it takes so long? Adverts. The whole sport is built around television and its advertisers. The nature of the game is slow anyway but what slows it down is that after every play they stop, regroup and have a breather (I doubt they have a cup of tea like us rugby players) and then they start again. It is the equivalent of a football game being played out like this:
Beckham passes to Owen. They stop. 2 minutes later the game restarts and Owen passes to Lampard. They stop, 2 minutes later Lampard passes to Burr and the referee calls halt as Burr is a fat tub of lard and should not be in an England shirt. You get my drift. The adverts take longer than the game does. An 8 minute game takes 4 hours on TV to play out.
The whole experience is made worse because every time someone tackles, runs or passes the ball, the game stops and the player who did the good thing celebrates. Again if this was to play out in football above not only would we stop everytime someone passes the ball but we would have those stupid celebrations they do for goals the whole time. The only reason any of these players are fit is because of all the celebrating they do (dancing, moonwalking, pretending to be a bull) after each and every play.
You all know that what I would call football and what he would call football are 2 completelyy different things. We can all work out why it is called football, for the same reasons that Rugby is actually Rugby Football. That isn't what annoys me about the game. The really annoying thing is this, it has 4 quarters each lasting 15mins. So by my reckoning the game should last for 60 minutes (4x15). I am charitable and will allow an extra 5 minutes per quarter to let those big guys rest. So 80 minutes is how long the game should last, which is exactly the same length as a game of rugby. The game started at 7pm yesterday. At 9pm they had half time. Now that is 2 hours in to the game and we are not done, no we ARE AT HALF TIME - there is another 2 hours to go. The reason it takes so long? Adverts. The whole sport is built around television and its advertisers. The nature of the game is slow anyway but what slows it down is that after every play they stop, regroup and have a breather (I doubt they have a cup of tea like us rugby players) and then they start again. It is the equivalent of a football game being played out like this:
Beckham passes to Owen. They stop. 2 minutes later the game restarts and Owen passes to Lampard. They stop, 2 minutes later Lampard passes to Burr and the referee calls halt as Burr is a fat tub of lard and should not be in an England shirt. You get my drift. The adverts take longer than the game does. An 8 minute game takes 4 hours on TV to play out.
The whole experience is made worse because every time someone tackles, runs or passes the ball, the game stops and the player who did the good thing celebrates. Again if this was to play out in football above not only would we stop everytime someone passes the ball but we would have those stupid celebrations they do for goals the whole time. The only reason any of these players are fit is because of all the celebrating they do (dancing, moonwalking, pretending to be a bull) after each and every play.
posted by Nick at 7:29 PM
2 Comments:
I agree in theory; however as a game it has some merits. I actually played when I was a teenager for the St Austell Seahawks (can you see what they did there) and if you take out the ads, it’s a good game. Any game where you wear full body armour and done use swords must have some mystique to it. Add to that (I was told) if you don't reach the playoffs, your team may only play 12 games in a season (is that right) then factor in the money it all makes and the capitalist in you must have a pang of jealously and admiration for the size and balls and the scam.
Rugby at Nick Burr’s level was about voyeurism, standing on the wing watching the real men wrestle in the mud, dowsed in sweet, sweet raljex and Vaseline.... I know, I was one of the wrestlers, look away Burr!!
Monge
Rugby was never a voyeurism for me. In Cornwall it was one of the most miserable experiences; standing in the rain on the wing in Redruth hoping that the Number 8 who looked 25 years old wouldn't break down my blindside wing. Luckily when I went to Uni I learnt that you could play champagne rugby i.e be drunk whilst playing and the whole experience changed for me. I would also like to point out that a bad game of rugby only lasts 80 minutes a bad game of American football lasts a life time.
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