Dr Feelgood

We have a doctor’s appointment today. I used to hate going to the doctors but since Jen got pregnant I love it. We get to hear the babies heart beat and it is insane how happy that makes me feel. I used to think that the best sound in the world was David Bowie’s Hunky Dory album, but now I have changed my mind and it is hearing my daughter’s heart beat.

We went a few weeks ago (about 8) for the ultrasound and you get to see your baby on the screen and they take pictures for you. It is a really moving experience and one I will never forget. When we had this done the technician told us that we were going to have a girl. We were excited and told everyone that we were having a sister for Emma. We then went to our doctor 2 weeks later and told her that we had been told it was a girl, and she said that we couldn’t be too sure because 18 weeks is the earliest they can tell the sex, and boy parts can still develop later! Now Jen is worried because we have bought loads of pink stuff for the baby. I’m sure it won’t matter, in fact all that matters is having a nice healthy baby.

Emma has decided that she wants the baby now, and it is quite hard trying to explain to her that it would be a bad thing for the baby to come this early.

Now Jen was 3 weeks early with Emma and second (and subsequent) babies are supposed to be easier and earlier, so I am proposing to have a sweep stake on when our baby will be born. Jen is due on 5 Jan 2007 – so please submit your date and the closest will get a prize. You can post them on this site or send me an email. If two of you chose the same date the prize will be shared.

The Wizard of Odd

I did something with Jen this weekend just gone that I haven’t done since Uni. We sat down and watched the Wizard of Oz muted, while listening to “The Dark Side of the Moon” by Pink Floyd.

For those of you that haven’t done this before, well done you are a normal human being with a healthy life and things to do. For those of you who are interested, when I was at Lancaster I read a report that said that some students in California had found that Dark Side of the Moon (DSOTM from now on) was a near perfect soundtrack to the film the Wizard of Oz. You start the album playing on the 3rd roar of the MGM lion at the beginning of the movie. When I first did it I was studying for my finals and so was trying to find any excuse not to do work. I watched it with Stu and Jon and all 3 of us ended up with bad degree classifications. Coincidence – you decide.

So I did it again this Sunday gone with Jen, and I must admit it works spookily well. I had forgotten most of the coincidences of the music or lyrics of DSOTM and the Wizard of Oz. For example at the beginning of the movie Dorothy is running, and the 1st lyrics sang on DSOTM are “run, rabbit, run”. When Dorothy is lifted up into the sky by the cyclone, the song that is playing is Great Gig in the Sky. When Dorothy opens the door into the word of the Munchkins it is the sound of money falling and Money starts. At one point the lyrics sing “which is which” and the camera pans from the good Witch of the North to the Wicked Witch of the West. When Dorothy and Toto meet The Scarecrow the songs lyrics sing about the Idiot on the Hill. Those of you that know the album will know that it finishes with a heartbeat and this plays at the same time that Dorothy and The Scarecrow are listening for The Tin Man’s heart.
This is where the album finishes. I wonder if their next album “Wish You Were Here” would be the soundtrack to the rest of the movie?

Scot Free

The picture of the bump and this picture of Emma were taken this weekend at the Dixon Scottish Festival. We went along as I am half Scottish and also because I thought I might get some haggis. We failed on the haggis front because apparently there is something that is in it that is illegal here in the US (all of it I would of have thought). So instead Emma and I tucked in to some Scottish pies. I love them and a pie that is described as "meat" is always a risk worth taking. Once in Lancaster I asked what type of meat was in a meat and potato pie and the woman told me quite sternly that it was "meat". I didn't push it.

So we went to the Scottish festival and I foolishly thought that loads of ex-pats would come from miles around to celebrate their heritage and their roots. Wrong. I was the only Brit that I heard all day. It was interesting the woman in the Stewart Clan tent trying to tell Jen the history of Scotland and then asking either of us if we had any "Scotch" (sic) in us! I told her yes (hic) and she went quite quiet when she heard my accent.

There were highland games and dancing, and all manner of Scottish tat to buy, and this being America there had to be two weapons tents. My favourite was the one raffling the 6ft claymore. The guy told me it would look good above my mantle piece. I am not so sure but fingers crossed! Those of you that have read the blog regularly will know that I was shocked to hear the American National Anthem at the circus - well they played it at the Scottish festival too.

The Bump

At last - a picture of the bump. Still not as big as mine but she is working on it. We are now 26 weeks gone, so we are getting closer to the date that the baby will arrive.

Am I being Petty?

As mentioned earlier we went to the Circus last Thursday. At the time of buying the tickets I didn’t really look at how much they would cost me, so didn’t notice that if you buy something via the Ticketmaster website they charge you a convenience charge. This comes to mind as I was about to buy tickets to go and see Tom Petty play, here in Sacramento. I went on-line and I can buy tickets at $58.50 and then there is an additional “convenience charge” of $11.60 per ticket. Just what is a convenience charge and just who is it convenient to?

It turns out that Ticketmaster charge this because they have made it convenient for me to not have to go to the box office and buy the tickets for the show. The convenience charge is not a flat charge though, it varies from show to show. I am now feeling annoyed and feel like not going to the show if I have to pay an extra $23.30, that is almost half the price of a ticket. I guess they have got us over a barrel, if you want to see the show you will pay the extra charges and if you don’t then there are plenty of other fans who will. The same used to happen in the UK when purchasing with a credit card, suddenly you would have to pay extra money for using the credit card. At least they didn’t call it a convenience charge!

To Be or not TV?

Watching TV here is a unique experience. Sometimes there are more adverts than show, especially for big sporting events. The ads are also not as subtle as in the UK and just involve people shouting very loudly about how great their product is. Imagine Barry Scott in each commercial and you have a good idea of what it's all about.

Shows are also different. I have talked about the dubbing of kids shows, but I haven't mentioned the different formats that each show can take. I want to use Deal or No Deal as an example. Now in the UK this is presented by Noel "fluffy jumper" Edmonds. If you haven't seen it I should warn you that it is highly addictive and Edmonds is very good at building the tension. I shall try to explain what happens. Differing amounts of money ranging from 1pence to 250,000 quid are placed randomly in 22 different boxes. There are 22 contestants who are given one box each. Then one of the 22 contestants is chosen to compete. They take their box up to be with Noel. The main goal of the show is to sell your box for the highest amount. You do not know what is in your box so in order to find out you open up other boxes by selecting them. There are no questions, it is pure luck. The 1st time the contestant has to choose 5 boxes to open, each box opened will show a different amount and will mean that the contestant can't have that amount (so if they choose box 4 and it has a penny in it then they know they can't have a penny in their box and so that is a good thing, likewise if they choose box 4 and it has 250,000 pounds in it then that is a bad thing as they can not have 250,000 in their box) then a mysterious banker calls and offers an amount for the box that the contestant with Noel has, based on the boxes they have opened, then the next round and each subsequent round they open 3 and then the banker calls again until a deal is struck.

I hope I have still got you. The big difference in the US is the size of the winnings, here it is a million dollars, but still that would normally be enough to pull the punters in to watch so they have also upped the sex appeal. Now remember in the UK the other 21 people opening the boxes are just random punters, here there are 26 cases (not boxes) and they are all held by female models in revealing evening gowns. There is loud music played between each choosing of the case, and it is all hosted by Howie Mandel who is a comedian, and dresses in a smart suit. He also is bald, so is at the opposite end of the presenter spectrum from bouffant Edmonds. Apart from that the show is the same, people just choose cases from models rather than boxes from Joe Bloggs. Oh and this week as it was season premiere week the highest case contained $6,000,000.

There are differences on the Weakest Link, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, as well as things like Big Brother (no swearing, no nudity, no fun), and it is really funny to watch films here on network television as they are all cut for swearing and nudity (although not for violence). About 2 years ago IMontereyoneterey and we were in a bar which had a TV on. On the TV they were showing Showgirls (terrible movie, the only saving grace being the amount of nudity in it) but as it was on network TV they had cut out all the nudity, which left a terrible movie even worse as there was no nudity in it. Yet even with all the cutting out of swearing kids still swear here. I have yet to here anyone in the heat of an argument say "Forget you" or :Frigging". Watching Gordon Ramsey is fun here, but you have no real idea what he is saying at times because of all the beeps!

High Ryder

I am not normally a golfing man. I have played the odd hole - (that's another story and can be found on my other blog www.Nickthedick.com) but it has never really appealed. I do not normally watch the Ryder cup either because watching golf on TV isn't my thing. However, since I was in the US, I decided to make sure I kept up with events in case I had a watercooler moment on Monday at work, and I didn't know who had won.

Most of you will know that Europe not only won but annihilated the US team. It was the 3rd victory in a row for Europe. On the way into work today we had the radio on and they were talking about the Ryder cup. The presenters were looking for reasons why the US team had lost. It was interesting as an outsider to hear this introspective assessment. Yet if you listened to this radio show you would think that the reason that the US lost is because they are too good at golf and they think that anything European is a joke. They pointed out that their players had won more majors, and were higher ranked, and there was no way that those lower ranked guys could win so it must be that the Americans lost the tournament. They then went on to say that Americans are taught from an early age that anything European is a joke. Now this came as a shock to me and to my American wife. She claims she has never been taught that, she pointed out that Europe is seen as leading in fashion and culture and reminded me of all the great bands that Europe (ok the UK) have produced. The radio presenters also said that Europeans are used to getting along with each other whilst Americans are a more individualistic society. Can I just point that that Europe have had more wars than the US has had Presidents??

I found the thing quite funny and naive. It again highlighted to me that most of the times the media will tell Americans anything they want to hear rather than look at the real reasons for a failure.

And anyway it's only golf, at least the Americans still have basketball - oh wait they lost recently to Greece in the Semi-finals of the world tournament.

Emma's Birthday

And here is a picture from Emma's 4th birthday party.

Don't bother they're here.

Been a while since I posted a picture up here, so wanted to share one from the circus. I am the one in the blue shirt and not the one with the long nose, just to clarify. Also Jen has hidden her bump behind the ear of the elephant but I promise I will get a picture of the bump soon!

Send in the clowns.......

I have reread the last entry and I think that Clown bashing would make a great Commonwealth sport. Not sure it is ready for the Olympics but the Commonwealth games are becoming more like it’s a knockout, so why not have some clown bashing? We can also have midget tossing and also incorporate a burger eating competition. In fact this reminds me of Jurg’s stag do, but I don’t think the world is ready yet for that Decathlon quite yet!

Oh what a circus!

Last night the 3 of us went to the circus. I am not going to get into the debate of how the animals are treated; I mean for a start they only had elephants. The rest was clowns and acrobats and some stunt motorcyclists.

What was strange was that before the show started, out came the ring mistress and sang the national anthem. I have never encountered this before, and obviously displayed my surprise because Jen asked afterwards “Where you not expecting that”? The answer is no. Never before in my circus going life (and I haven’t been to the circus for about 20 years) have I stood up and sang the national anthem. Jen went on to tell me that this is standard practice in America. At any event where there are numerous people, be it a theatre show, the circus, sports or even some concerts the Star Spangled Banner is played before any action takes place.

I want to know – is this a common practice in other countries? Having only ever lived in the UK and now the USA I want to know if this is a peculiarly American thing, or is it just Britain that has got it wrong. I know that at least 2 people who read this have lived in Australia, and another spent his best years in South Africa (that’s a joke Chris your best years are now!), Jon comes from Norfolk (ok technically not a different country but they are ….different there), and of course there is Jurg. So let me know. Is this common practice in other countries or is this strange?

My only experience of singing the national anthem with other people was at Twickenham before England played Italy, and I can understand it before international sporting events, but here it is done before American Football games between 2 American teams. It is even done at minor league base ball. This is the equivalent of singing the national anthem before watching Lancaster play Bamber Bridge in the Nationwide Conference North.

The circus itself was fine. I am not going to bash clowns as it has become a very popular thing to say that clowns scare people. The ones that scare me are the acrobats – what makes someone do that? What makes you take up being thrown around at over 30 feet up?

The Last Album of Summer

I received a package yesterday from the UK. I always like packages - who doesn't? And I knew what this one was going to be. My friend Stuart, as most of you know, has for the last 4 or 5 years been writing, recording and then distributing his own CD's. He basically does this from home on his PC, and at great cost to himself sends out the CD to friends and people who like his stuff. I posted a link to his blog earlier in my blog so do check him out.

Back to the story - I received Stuart's new CD. It is called The Last Album of Summer. It was going to be called the First Album of Summer but he didn't get his arse in gear until after summer had finished and let's be honest, the first album of autumn doesn't have quite the same ring. I put on the new CD, and really enjoyed it, but here in lies the problem. You see it feels weird listening to someone you know on CD. It sounds strange singing along to Stu whilst I was doing the dishes last night. And it isn't just Stu, it is anyone that I personally know. As I have mentioned before my brother in law Big Steve along with Jen's sister form the Arlenes (they are playing in London in October you know!) and I like their music too, but it seems odd to put their music on and listen to them because I know them. I like to make mix tapes and CD's but if I put them on the CD and they come around and it is on - oh the social embarrassment.

Whilst in 6th form college I knew some guys who formed a band called Rootjoose. Now they were big in the South West of England and Cornwall for a while and even appeared on VH-1 and Jo Whiley. Again it was weird to be carrying on with your everyday business and then have some guys you went to 6th form with on the telly. Especially because at the time I was indisposed with my then girlfriend doing well you know, boyfriend and girlfriend stuff.

I am not sure why I have this hang up and maybe it is just me. I don't have the same problem seeing people I know play live, and maybe that is because it doesn't seem as voyeuristic.

Back to Stu's CD here are some quotes about the album. If anyone wants a copy let me know and I will arrange for a copy to be sent to you.

"His most consistent album yet" Jen Burr
"A pleasurable warm moving album" Big Steve
"You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want more - especially if you in it like I am!" Nick Burr
"Who is Stuart?"Emma
"Turn that down!"Mrs Thompson my neighbour.
"What's for dinner?" Hap Heasley
"Please stop calling us" Sacramento Bee
"Never heard of him, and don't want to" L.A Times
"Do some work" My Boss

50th post!!!

Big fanfare please, this is my 50th post. It seems that the name posts are the ones that people are liking the most. So many comments about them. One came from Jo, who reminded me of a conversation we had with a Matt Sweatman.

Matt is married to someone I know from Uni and at a party one time when Jo & I were drunk we decided to ask him about the bullying he must have received from his surname - Sweatman. (Oh and by the way it is pronounced how its spelt, it is not pronounced sweetman). He told us that he had never received any bullying or in fact any comments because in his class there was a Titman and a Wankley.

Happy 50th post everyone, and here's hoping the next 50 are as much fun.

Name and Shame 2

The names just keep rolling. Thanks to Ian for his 2 which you can see on the comments section underneath the 1st name & shame section. I have just encountered 2 more that have made me laugh, one of whom I had a meeting with.

The first one is a J Christ who works here and has one of the Managers offices. I am unsure of his or her 1st name but Christ, c’mon. And then the woman I just had a meeting with was called Wendy Wank. I kid you not. Wendy Wank. There is also a Lisa Wanket here but I am yet to meet her. Maybe she is Wendy’s younger sister?

You can take the boy out of Cornwall...

There have been many people and many factors that have shaped me into the person I am today. None however, have had quite the effect that being raised in Cornwall has had.

Ah Cornwall, what comes to mind when you hear that name? Is it pasties, and clotted cream, the beach or quaint fishing towns? Seagulls and surfers? Well for me it is none of those. What really springs to mind is a warm, cozy feeling that can be summed up as Home. Wherever I go or live Cornwall has always been my true home. It is a place where I feel comfortable and happy. Nothing bad ever seems to have happened to me in Cornwall.

Before I went to Lancaster in 1994 I had no real understanding of how Cornwall stands out from the rest of the UK. Just from a recognition point of view if you tell someone you are from Cornwall they know where that is, and often have been there at some point to visit. When I went around to different Uni’s to find out which one I wanted to go to (and which one would have me) I found that if I told people I came from Saltash which is near Plymouth people either didn’t care or didn’t know where Plymouth was. But if I told them I came from Saltash which was in Cornwall, then people would open up to me and start talking about their trip to Newquay with their mates or going to St Ives with their parents. It was a truly marked difference in the two scenarios.

When I went to Lancaster I became more and more proud of the Cornish history and its unique position in peoples minds. I started to read more about Cornwall and its past. It also helped that two close friends are very Cornish coming from a long line of Cornish men and women.

I feel Cornish and so when asked where I come from it is very hard here in the US because most people don’t really know Cornwall. Also I haven’t lived in Cornwall for over 7 years now. I have never truly felt English, partly because my mother is Scottish but also because of the feeling in Cornwall that if you live in Cornwall you live in a different country. A third of Cornish school children asked in a recent survey said that they felt Cornish rather than English. I am proud to be British – after all the Britons were a Celtic tribe who first the Romans and then the Anglo-Saxons successfully pushed to the margins of the UK, namely Scotland, Wales, and Cornwall.

I have in the past tried to have serious debates about Cornwall’s place in the UK, and I will freely admit to playing devils advocate at times, but interestingly when I have played this part I have found that other people’s arguments don’t or can’t refute that Cornwall should be considered differently to most of the UK. Once I was told by a girl at Uni that Cornwall couldn’t be a country because it didn’t have an international airport. When I pointed out that if you made Cornwall a country then Newquay airport would instantly become an international airport, she snogged me rather than continue the argument so I think that counts as a win-win situation.

First of all it is the internationally recognised concept of self determination that I bring up. This belief is what has helped Eastern European countries such as Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia break free from Soviet Russian rule and has also been clearly seen in the break up of Yugoslavia. The concept is that if enough people feel different and identify with a nation, race or ethnic group then they should be allowed to have their own country. To this end the UK government had to put an option in the census for people to be able to call them selves Cornish.

Secondly from a historical view point Cornwall has always been treated differently then any other county in the UK. For a start up until 1563 Cornwall was shown on maps of Britain as a separate country attached to England. Cornwall has its own King up until 927AD. Cornwall has its own language (around 3,000 people can form basic sentences), and has even had its own parliament and legal systems. Even to this day there are certain quirks that abound about Cornwall. For example Cornwall has its own Attorney General. If someone in England and Wales dies intestate then the property and any money reverts to the Queen, yet in Cornwall it reverts to the Duke of Cornwall, in other words her son Prince Charles. Prince Charles as the Duke of Cornwall owns the river bed of the Tamar and so when the Royal Navy wanted to build a jetty for their nuclear submarines they needed his permission. This stems from Charles' regalian rights as Soverign of Cornwall. In England the Queen owns all the riverbeds. We could go on to talk about sturgeon landed in England is offered to the monarch of England but in Cornwall it Is offered to the Duke or we could talk about the rights of wrecks found on the coasts of Cornwall belong to Charles but if found anywhere else in England it is the Queens.

As you can see when playing devils advocate I have a lot of information at my fingertips. Although I argue that Cornwall should be its own country I don’t believe that it should. I think though that recognition should be given to the special status that Cornwall has possessed, that the Cornish language should be taught in schools along with the history of Cornwall. I have learnt all I know about the history of Cornwall from my own interest and enthusiasm, at school like many others I was forced to hear about the Egyptians, the Greeks and the Romans. I also had to hear about the invasion of the Danes and Anglo Saxons and then the Normans to Britain, but not once did we go into details about the Celts or the Cornish. I think it is essential for any people to have access to their past in order to truly understand who they are and where they are going. For example most people do not know that the Cornish fought two battles against the English, one in 1497, where hundreds of Cornishmen died, and the second in 1549 were at least 2000 were slaughtered.

Yet when I learnt that Cornwall, one of the poorest regions in the EU has a balance of payments to Westminster of 300 million pounds (being in America they don’t have the pound symbol) I must admit that I felt angered. What I saw was that the poorest region in North West Europe, with the lowest wages in the whole of Britain was providing London, the richest city in Europe with yet more money.

For full disclosure purposes I should point out that I was born in Plymouth, Devon. This does not stop being Cornish because it is about how you view yourself. As Wellington said of his birthplace, Ireland, “Just because you are born in a stable, that doesn’t make you an animal”. I am proud to be Cornish, and happy to be Cornish.

Having re-read this entry I realize that there aren’t many jokes, but then I have never ever pretended to be Jethro

Size Matters

It is really hard to keep an eye on your weight here. I am a bit of a tuber – having been gaining weight steadily since University. Out here it is really hard to keep it under control. For example, I bought myself a medium sized bag of M&M’s the other day they weigh 14oz. That is almost 400g. And that is the medium sized one!

Jen & I recently went to the cinema (we saw Pirates of the Cariberan 2) and we ordered a small Pepsi each. They contained 36oz of fluid. EACH. That is just over a litre of fizzy beverage and it was the SMALL one.

No wonder obesity is a problem here. I have seen people who look like they weigh the same amount as a small whale. I have seen mothers and fathers feeding their 6 month old babies coke and popcorn. I have eaten over a pound of meat in a restaurant and I nearly vomited. The portion sizes here are massive. We have decided to limit our visits to restaurants as it is impossible to control your portion size. Especially in the land of the all you can eat buffet where people see that as a challenge. Ian and Chris please never have an eating competition here you will die.

Toilet Homour

I am trying to broach this subject without getting too scatological but I want to talk about toilets here in the USA. Let’s start with public toilets. The urinals I am not going to get involved with as they are pretty standard. What really bothers me is the cubicles. For a start the doors don’t reach the floor. I know that in the UK not all of them reach the floor, but here they are about 18 inches from the ground. The tops of the doors stand 5ft 10 inches from the floor, so there is actually only 4ft 2 inches of door. There is also the same gap around the side of the cubicle so you can quite easily see your neighbours feet. When you walk into the men’s room (and the women’s I guess but I haven’t been allowed in there yet) you can see if the cubicles are occupied or not, from the door, which is one of the reasons it is done that way I suppose. But if you work in a building that needs you to have a security pass, which mine does, then most men wear their security tags on their belts, and if they go to the bathroom you can actually see who is doing what in which cubicle because you can see their badge.

I am not a tall man, but I am not short either. When I stand up in the cubicle I can see over the top of the door and also the side partition to the next cubicle. This is wrong, it should not be allowed in a developed nation. Why can’t they provide that bit of dignity and make the frames of the cubicles just that little bit bigger. And whilst they are at it they could also close the gap between the door and the frame. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that. The doors are made in such a way that there is a 1 inch gap between the door and the frame. You can look out and you can look in. For gods sake why? Why is that needed? It is just off putting. The least said about the toilet paper the better.

Name and Shame

I have already written about funny place names, but I have just seen one of the funniest names that I have ever seen. Now I am no stranger to funny names. I played rugby with a guy called Albert Hall. I knew a girl named Penny Anna Pound. I had a tutor at 6th form college who was called Robin Holmes. A friend of mine knew someone called Joe King. And of course there is the Mike Hunt’s Richard Heads and Ben Dover’s of this world. The name I just saw was a beauty. It was Randy Bender.

Randy Bender. Says it all. Sometimes life is funnier than fiction.

Communication Breakdown

At work we have voice mail. Nothing odd about that I think every organisation now has voice mail. Ours however is a voice recognition system. This means that I can pick up the phone, say a name in the internal phone book and it will call them for me. It also meant that I had to record a voice signature (basically my name) as well as a standard voice mail greeting. To get this started I had to repeat my telephone number to the system.

Firstly, is it just me or does it feel unnatural to talk to computerised voice? It felt strange having to repeat my number back to something that had been programmed to listen to me rather than actually listen. Because of this I guess I mumbled the numbers because the voice told me “I’m sorry, you said a number I didn’t recognise, could you please repeat the number exactly how I say it?” So I tried. Again the same message came up. I tried for a 3rd time this time speaking clearly and precisely. No joy. It took me 6 attempts in all and I grew steadily louder and louder until I was practically screaming down the phone, after this the message said “Ok, calm down, I heard you the 1st time!”

No it didn’t really. Anyway I started to realise that although I speak the same language as Americans I actually don’t speak the same language and there are certain things that I say that people think are funny, cute, or very polite, which back in Britain are just the way we speak. It is so easy to slip into the everyday language here because it becomes tiring not being understood, or standing out. So slowly I find that I have started using garbage or trash instead of rubbish. At work I deal with a lot of CV’s and have to continually remind myself that to the American market they are resumes. And as for ordering water….it appears that most Americans don’t pronounce the t in water the way I do. Every day things become difficult to ask for or order or talk about because at least 50% of the time the person listening to me is either too busy thinking how nice my accent sounds without listening to what I am saying or they don’t understand me because I have used the word trousers or jumper instead of pants or sweater.

Another side effect of being here is that when I use spell check (my smelling has always bin terryble) is that it changes words that I have spelt correctly into the American spelling. I hope I have picked up all the realizes, computeriseds and recognizes and spelt them the correct way.

Balls to Football

Yesterday I was too tired to write anything. I got in, ate and then collapsed in front of the telly. Jen's dad was down as he is going to look after Emma when we are working. He wanted to watch the football.

You all know that what I would call football and what he would call football are 2 completelyy different things. We can all work out why it is called football, for the same reasons that Rugby is actually Rugby Football. That isn't what annoys me about the game. The really annoying thing is this, it has 4 quarters each lasting 15mins. So by my reckoning the game should last for 60 minutes (4x15). I am charitable and will allow an extra 5 minutes per quarter to let those big guys rest. So 80 minutes is how long the game should last, which is exactly the same length as a game of rugby. The game started at 7pm yesterday. At 9pm they had half time. Now that is 2 hours in to the game and we are not done, no we ARE AT HALF TIME - there is another 2 hours to go. The reason it takes so long? Adverts. The whole sport is built around television and its advertisers. The nature of the game is slow anyway but what slows it down is that after every play they stop, regroup and have a breather (I doubt they have a cup of tea like us rugby players) and then they start again. It is the equivalent of a football game being played out like this:

Beckham passes to Owen. They stop. 2 minutes later the game restarts and Owen passes to Lampard. They stop, 2 minutes later Lampard passes to Burr and the referee calls halt as Burr is a fat tub of lard and should not be in an England shirt. You get my drift. The adverts take longer than the game does. An 8 minute game takes 4 hours on TV to play out.

The whole experience is made worse because every time someone tackles, runs or passes the ball, the game stops and the player who did the good thing celebrates. Again if this was to play out in football above not only would we stop everytime someone passes the ball but we would have those stupid celebrations they do for goals the whole time. The only reason any of these players are fit is because of all the celebrating they do (dancing, moonwalking, pretending to be a bull) after each and every play.

Worst time of the Week?

Is there a worse time of the week than the hour between 3 and 4pm on Tuesdays?

Long day at work, and I am too tired for a proper entry, so thought I'd just chuck up this picture, of a time when I wasn't so dog tired.

Job for the boy

Yes indeed, I have a job. I started on Friday. Not much else to say at the moment but I am sure there will be some rants up here soon. Just thought I'd let everyone know. It is in recruitment so same sort of thing I was doing before. Went out and bought new work clothes today as they have a different dress code here than in London (I must say a big Thank You to the sponsor of todays shopping trip - Barclaycard).

Will let you know how I get on etc.

Picture proof

For any doubters about the names of places, here is a picture that proves Cheesewring exisits.

The Name Game

Place names - funny things really. Most of the names given to places are to do with some geological feature or something to do with the history of the town. You can often trace the history of a place through its place name.

Growing up in Cornwall I am well aware of funny place names as we have our fair share. Cheesewring, Brown Willy, Looe, Cockermouth, Foxhole and Mousehole all spring to mind, but out here some of the names are beyond funny but get into the realm of completely unbelievable. For example why would you name a part of your town Manlove? Yet just 10 minutes away from where I live this is a stop on the light rail system. Or how about Intercourse? Yes there is an Intercourse in Pennsylvania. There's a Mount Gay in West Virginia, a Moreheadsville in Pennsylvania, and my personal favourite Blue Ball in Pennsylvania (for god's sake move to Intercourse).

How and why? who cares. Is this funny? yes. Is it big? No. Is it clever? No. Is it hard to explain to your 4 year old daughter why you are laughing at a sign bearing the legend Shafter?yes.

Sporting a smile

I have just got up and it is 7.20am here, which means that in the UK the Premiership has just kicked off. It is strange the way the time difference works, as when I went to the BBC website I saw that Everton had not only already played, but that they had thrashed Liverpool.

Sport is strange here in the US. Back in Blighty I was always used to going to the Sports pages in the paper first, but if I do that here I am done in around 6 seconds flat. The only sports they really care about here are American Football, baseball and basketball. Nothing else. It is currently the US Tennis open and there is nothing in the sports pages about it. The American Football season started on Thursday and there are around 16 pages about it. Plus another 16 pages about baseball. Basketball doesn't start until December time. Another strange thing is how popular college sport is. The local paper here carries all the results of the colleges in the 3 main sports. It would be the equivalent of the Evening Standard carrying all the sports scores of the London Universities. But not only the scores but indepth interviews as well.

I think it has to do with the fact that most of the sportsmen that go to college are their on scholarships and are just passing through to being signed up by the pro teams. As for me the only way I get to hear the scores and news is via the BBC website. Nothing about football (soccer) here anywhere. Oh well at least Everton are top of the league ......for now!

Happy Burrthday to you...

Just wanted to wish my brother a happy burrthday. He is the one on the left. Happy 26th Grant. His birthday is Sunday. The same day as Moby's.

Thanks to Jon & Helen for the bad pun.

I'm a legal alien...

It is hard to get used to yourself being termed a legal alien, but that is what I am going to be for the rest of my time in the US. I really don't want to become naturalised (more of this later), and I don't particular want my kids growing up hearing that their dad is an alien. I mean I am weird but not that weird.

In my dictionary alien has the following meanings:

"unfamiliar; unacceptable or repungent, different or separated, foreign, relating to beings of other worlds".
Nice words aren't they? Wouldn't you be proud to be thought of as unacceptable or repungent, different or separate? I'd much rather be considered a man from mars or a woman from Venus than those words.

It does, however, show the way that Americans and in particular the people in governmental positions and high powered business execs view the rest of the world and immigrants. Immigration has been a huge issue here political recently and with elections coming up for the Senate and the House of Representatives in November I am sure we will hear more about it. It is important to remember that when a politician here talks about immigration they are concerned with Mexican immigration. Apparently millions of immigrants flood the poorly defended border between the US and Mexico each year. Bush wants to put up a fence running the entire distance of the border. Yet nothing has been talked about the largest unprotected border in the world, which lies to the North of the US, the border she shares with Canada. Well not until recently that is. You see with the Canadians discovering a terrorist plot suddenly the US government wants to put up a fence with Canada as our Colonial cousins apparently are a soft touch and a safe haven for terrorists who can then rush over the undermined border with Canada.

The outcome of all of this is anyone's to guess. Having not made a joke in the last 2 paragraphs I fear I may lose some of you, but I am going to press on. Americans in general are not exposed to foreigners any more. Which is strange when you consider how this country was stolen, I mean, founded. Of course some people meet tourists and if you live on the coast of the US you are far more inclined to meet tourists go abroad and be interested in life outside of the US. But if you live in the fly-over states (the bits in between the coasts which aren't worth visiting so you just "fly over them") you may never meet a foreigner or here foreign accents. Since moving to California I have had to make some adjustments, one of them is having to get used to people staring at me when I speak. I am not sure if it is because I am with an American wife and child and so they are not expecting me to speak with an English accent or if they just haven't heard one in the flesh before, but almost everywhere I go I will get at least one person staring at me open mouthed. It has got to the stage in restaurants that I know the 1st thing I say to the waiter or waitress will not be understood. So I prepare myself to repeat it.

I am unclear the reason behind this next phenomena, maybe it is because I have a slight Cornish accent (you should hear me say pasty - it has around 12 "a"s in it) mixed with 7 years of living in London but no-one has yet guessed correctly where I am from. I am not talking about which part of the country, I am talking about WHICH country. I have been asked if I am Australian twice, Irish 3 times and Ukrainian and Russian once each. Never once has the UK or England come up. When people do ask me where I am from I find myself going for the easy option and say London rather than go into the whole back story. But enough of that I am going to explore my Cornishness in a later post.

My final point about the lack of exposure is this. I sat down with Emma and her 2 cousins to watch Bob the Builder. Wow - I was shocked, I mean truly shocked. Not about the show - although let's explore the happiness these workers have - that can't be good for young kids to see people happy in their work. No what truly shocked is that the voices have been changed. No longer is that guy from men Behaving Badly doing Bob but it is some American. The same for the Tellytubies, Thomas the Tank (good bye Ringo hello Alec Baldwin), and more recently the Magic Roundabout movie. Not sure what execs are worried about here - that oh no, someone may here a different accent? It seems crazy that they would dub voices over professional actors and voiceover artists (and Ringo).

Driven to distraction

Well I have passed my written driving test. All very exciting for me as I had tried to drive in the UK but had failed (twice). Now I am on the way to passing my test here. Most Californians drive automatic transmissions and Jen is no exception. If you haven't driven an automatic I want you to image flying on a plane 1st class. It is the same experience of driving only smoother and a darn sight easier. You point the car in the direction you want to go and then decide how fast or slow you want to go.

I have spent the afternoon driving and have already experienced road rage (my own) and filled the car up with petrol and gone to the car wash. It is an exhilarating experience but also tiring at the same time. There is so much you have to concentrate on. I now have to get some experience driving and then I can take my test. There aren't many driving schools here as most people don't need them - there isn't much to learn in a big version of a go-kart.

I would also like to say thank you to all the people who have posted comments on the site, it really is heartwarming to know that some people are reading this thing. Please keep them rolling in, and if you know anyone else who may be interested please let them know the web address. Also if you or any of your friends start a blog please let me know and I will try and get the links working to their pages too.

Who are you trying to ID?

Jen and I and a couple of friends went out for a meal on Sunday evening and then decided we were going to go on to a "British" pub where they had a quiz. We arrived at the pub and before we were allowed to enter we had to show ID that proved we were over 21. Wow. I was the youngest of the 4 of us and I am 30 (31 in October). This isn't the 1st time that I have been asked for ID here either.

They are so strict on making sure that people are over 21 that I have heard people say that if you look under 30 they "will card you" I.E ask for ID. Whilst I understand the reasoning behind it, it seems that some people just ID you because they want to look at your picture.

Before I got my Green Card the only acceptable photo ID I had was my passport and it was a pain to have to remember to take it with me everywhere I went on the off chance that I would be asked for ID. The last time I was asked for ID in the UK was when I was 16 and I was trying to get into a nightclub in Torpoint, Cornwall, and they weren't checking for my age they just wanted to know that I was Cornish!

Here I have been turned down twice for not being able to supply the correct ID. The first time I was in Santa Cruz and I got asked for ID, I showed my passport and they refused to accept it, I assume because the passport picture was almost 10 years old and I have put on weight and lost hair since it was taken. The second time was when I showed my UK (provisional) Driving licence. Even though it had a picture on it, it was refused as the clerk felt I could have made it at home on computer. That is how paranoid they are here.

Shameless Family Plug

I thought I might as well use this blog for a plug for my brother-in-law's band. Most of you will know that Big Steve (my brother in law) has a band with his wife (my sister in law - Jen's sister) called The Arlenes. They have had some radio play and songs used for TV and films over the years. To cut this short; they are playing a gig in London on 7 October at The Spitz which is in Spitalfields Market. I recommend them to you, so if you can make it head along there and see them. If you are feeling brave speak to them either before or afterwards and tell them I sent you.

Whilst I am plugging things there is an Australian movie called Look Both Ways which is coming out in Britain soon. I have been reliable informed it is worth checking out, but again I have a vested interest as one of The Arlenes songs is used near the end of the film.

That's it for now, but if you want me to plug something for you to my 2 readers then let me know.

Post Script

Sorry forgot to mention on the last post that in a bid to combat positivity wherever I go I have remade the famous "Depressing" tape, with a few changes.

First of all it is no longer a tape, but I have burned a CD! August saw me launch a blog and make a cd, technology and I are now not only on nodding terms, but we have shared a post coital cigarette (so to speak). Secondly the original tape was made whilst I was at Uni and so a lot of the songs I had then are no longer on the CD.

That said it remains true to its origins of having some of the most depressing music ever recorded. I shall tell you how depressing it is Leonard Cohen was considered and then rejected as he was too "upbeat". It always amazes me that I listen to the most depressing music when I am at my happiest. I am not sure if I can explain it, but I am really happy with my life and everything in it, and that leads me to listen to endless dreary, depressing, dire songs. As Jen would say "Go figure".

For anyone interested the track listing is a follows:

"In Your Hands" by James Yorkston & The Athletes
"Gone Away" by Adem
"Hard Headed Woman" by Cat Stevens
"You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You?Will" by Bright Eyes
"Hurt" by Johnny Cash
"Naked As We Come" by Iron & Wine
"Superman's Song" by The Crash Test Dummies
"Do You Realize??" by The Flaming Lips
"Who Wants to Live Forever" by Queen
"Don't Tear Me Up" by Mick Jagger
"Five-O" by James
"Silent Lucidity" by Queensryche
"Country Feedback" by REM
"Run" by Snow Patrol
"Call and Answer" by The Barenaked Ladies
"Bluer Than Midnight" by The The
"The Band Played Waltzing Maltida" by The Pogues.

Social Insecurity

I received my social security number earlier this week and went and had my first interview today. I have decided that the best way to approach finding a job in the US is to enroll with a temp agency. This was how I managed to get a job in London when I first moved there and I am hoping that the same approach will work here.

A big difference between what I encountered in the UK and what I experienced today is the enthusiasm that was displayed in California. Those of you that know me will know that I am a grumpy so and so. Jen calls me Eyeore when I am like that, but I can't help it. I am a pessimist and whilst I don't resign myself to failing I think it is important to be realistic about opportunities and situations. I am a polar opposite of most Californians. My experience has been that Californians are extremely upbeat and positive and that can be tiring for a guy like me. When I do finally get a job I am going to have exert so much energy being positive that I am worried that I will be constantly knackered.

I entered the temp office and everything is buzzing and people are speaking REALLY LOUDLY. This is another thing I have noticed and that is people do not seem to have a volume control on their voices. I speak as someone who can not speak quietly, and in the UK I am constantly having to lower my voice to make sure that private comments are kept that way. Here I am like a church mouse compared to most people. I went to a coffee shop before my interview and sat and read the paper. Whilst there I could hear every word that a guy said and he was on the other side of the room. And no-one else seemed bothered by Mr Loud.

So, interview went well and they will search for jobs for me. Nervous but also excited as slowly things are falling into place.